Felt Guilty for So Many Years'

Newsday, 04-12-1994, pp A17.


Seattle - Tearful and profane, Kurt Cobain's widow, Courtney Love, read from his suicide note in a recording played for thousands of fans who held a candlelight vigil to mourn the grunge rocker.

Meanwhile, Love and dozens of others, including members of Cobain's band, Nirvana, and Love's band, Hole, attended a private memorial service Sunday night at a church a few blocks from the Seattle Center, where the vigil was being held. Yesterday a spokeswoman for Nirvana said Cobain's funeral would be private.

About 4,500 mourners listened solemnly at the vigil Sunday night to a tape of Love reading from Cobain's note. Many in the crowd wore scruffy, ripped clothes, the signature of the grunge rock style.

"I haven't felt the excitement for so many years. I felt guilty for so many years," Love read on the tape as tears flowed freely in the crowd. "The fact is I can't fool you, any one of you. The worst crime is faking it."

Love interrupted her narrative to add, in a voice thick with tears, "No, the worst crime is leaving."

Cobain, 27, was found dead Friday, apparently of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. At the private memorial, Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic talked about Cobain's appreciation of the punk-rock ethic, in which "no band is special and no player is royalty."

In an interview in yesterday's Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Love said she blamed herself for Cobain's death. "I'm tough . . . But I can't take this," she said.

The problems of Cobain, Nirvana's lead singer, guitarist and songwriter, were well documented: heroin addiction, discomfort with celebrity, domestic disputes and a near-fatal ingestion of drugs and alcohol just last month.

"I don't have the passion any more," Love read from Cobain's note. Borrowing from a Neil Young song, she said the note added, "It's better to burn out than to fade away." But Love added: "Don't believe that. It's - - - ."

COMBINED NEWS SERVICES, `I Felt Guilty for So Many Years'. , Newsday, 04-12-1994, pp A17.

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